Having a mentor can be a total game-changer in your career. When it’s the right fit, the relationship becomes more than just occasional advice, it can turn into a meaningful partnership that helps you build confidence, sharpen your skills, and make thoughtful, strategic moves toward your goals.
Unfortunately not every mentorship works out the way we hope. Sometimes, a mentor who once felt like a great match may no longer align with where you are in general, or where you’re headed.
That’s why it’s important to self-reflect and check in with yourself now and then. Ask yourself this: Is this still the right person to help guide me forward?
In this post, we’ll walk through what a great mentorship looks like, how to recognize when it’s not working, and what to do if it’s time for a change.
Is Your Mentor the Right Fit? How to Tell, and What to Do if They’re Not
Signs You’ve Found the Right Mentor
When a mentorship is in sync, it just works. Here are some signs you’re in a great spot:
You Have Shared Values and Goals
Your mentor understands what drives you. They respect your aspirations and support your vision, because their values align with yours. That shared foundation helps you have deeper, more meaningful conversations.
You Receive Advice That Feels Relevant and Real
You leave your talks with clarity, not confusion. A good mentor gives you grounded, practical advice that’s tailored to your stage in the journey, not just generic tips that you can find on your own.
They offer Encouragement with a Push
They cheer you on but also push you to grow. They challenge your thinking, stretch your comfort zone, and help you see your blind spots, all while celebrating your wins of all sizes.
The Relationship Exudes Trust and Mutual Respect
You feel heard. Your ideas and goals are taken seriously. And the relationship is a two-way street, built on open dialogue and respect for each other’s time and perspective.
Red Flags: When It’s Not the Right Fit
Even with the best of intentions, some mentoring relationships just aren’t a match, and that’s okay. If any of these feel familiar, it may be time to reassess:
You’re Not on the Same Page
If your mentor doesn’t understand (or support) your direction, it’s easy to feel stuck or misunderstood. That misalignment can drain your momentum.
Their Advice just Doesn’t Land
If their suggestions feel outdated or off-base, and you often walk away more confused than empowered, that’s a sign their guidance may not be right for this stage of your career.
They Hold You Back
Mentors should help you rise, and not limit you. If they discourage your ideas, focus only on your weaknesses, or make you doubt yourself, that’s not growth. That’s friction.
The Respect Isn’t There
You should never feel dismissed, patronized, or belittled. A mentor who constantly talks over you, ignores your input, or lacks professionalism can create an unproductive and even harmful dynamic.
What to Do If the Mentorship Isn’t Working
If you’re starting to feel like your mentor isn’t helping you move forward, it’s okay to address it. Here’s how to handle it with positivity and grace:
1. Start with a Candid Conversation
Set aside time to talk. Keep it open and respectful. You might say:
“I’ve been reflecting on my goals and where I’m headed. I’d love to check in on how our mentorship is working and see if there are any ways we can realign.”
This approach invites collaboration, rather than confrontation.
2. Share Feedback, Both Ways
Mentorship is a partnership, and feedback should flow both directions. Be honest about what’s been helpful and where you’ve felt stuck. Ask them for input too. Sometimes a simple shift in communication or focus can reignite the connection.
3. If Needed, Step Away Gracefully while Remaining Positive
If things don’t improve, it’s perfectly okay to move on. Be respectful, express gratitude, and part ways professionally. You can say something like:
“I’m so grateful for everything you’ve shared, but I feel like I need a different kind of support at this point in my career. I truly appreciate the time and insight you’ve given me.”
That kind of exit keeps the door open and maintains goodwill; ghosting your mentor has the opposite effect.
In Closing: It’s Okay to Outgrow a Mentorship
Here’s the honest truth: not every mentor will be the right one, and that’s not a failure for either of you. Just like personal growth, it’s part of the process.
As your career evolves, your support system should evolve too. The best mentor for you now might not be the same one who helped you two years ago, and recognizing that is a sign of self-awareness, not disloyalty.
When you find a mentor who challenges you, respects you, and believes in your vision, the impact can be incredible. So keep checking in with yourself. Keep evaluating. And don’t be afraid to seek out relationships that truly align with not only who you are today, but also with who you’re becoming.
Remember that you deserve mentorship that grows with you.
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